Disaster Falls, just finally she'd this book

This book, the cover wasn't fantastic or inviting, intriguing but this book!! This book was so heartbreaking and so real. I felt as if I was there as an acquaintance watching them go through this horrible tragedy, wanting to help but not knowing how to or even where to start. I can't begin to understand what they have been through, and it was just so horribly tragic. Definitely worth the read, have your tissues handy, it's a tear jerker.

..so it's been quite a few years since I was told "you have scar tissue blocking your fallopian tubes, so you're unable to conceive without treatment." Sounds simple enough right? WRONG!! That's infertility, which requires infertility treatments, which are NOT covered by my insurance! I still can't discuss this with anyone without completely falling apart. I found out when I was 19-20, I'm 34 now..seems like yesterday my doctor told me..I didn't say any of this to even my parents for months..but wait, just when you think it couldn't get any worse BAM! My husband and I got married when I was just 16, he 18 ..back in 97'. He has a kid, to someone else in 99'. We have a pretty terrible argument about 7 years later, I stayed with my parents a few days, me still not able to discuss my short coming, my very personal issue..he tells her! I felt, no I feel, because it's still an ongoing issue, even more betrayed by this! How could he?!? This is not his story to tell, especially not to her of all people, hey you wanna talk to your mom or dad ok I get that, but the person you had an affair with!!! Hell NO! Not okay, never ok! ..so today with the depression kicking me in the face yet again, decide ok adoption, because infertility treatments are probably not even an option because of the costs, we're not rich, not poor but definitely not rich. I get a response from an agency that I had contacted about having a home study conducted, in this email they proceed to tell me it will cost $40,000+! We can't afford that! So where does that leave me? What do I do? Can anyone tell me? Can someone tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do next?!?!?! My whole life I've dreamed of being a mom..so where does this leave me now?? This email caused lots of tears, in my work place, and lots of thinking so when I came home today I proceed to tell my husband about this and I told him my conclusion is this, I'm never going to have babies, thats obviously not meant to be so I'm going to be a miserable person the rest of my life, so you should leave me alone and go on with the family you intended to have. He says to me "what family did I intend to have? When did I talk about having a family?" My response to this was well you started one, intentionally or not. He also during this conversation n said "so don't be miserable", really?!?! Cuz you think this is an option, you think I tell this when to happen ???? ...please don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but I can't love him the way I once did, I'd like to but I can't. My hearts in a million pieces and I feel like he stomps on it each and every time he speaks of his bastard child or she's in my home. Ever time I look at him I see her, the betrayal, the heartache the pain.. I relive this shit on a daily basis. Some say "talk to someone", talking only makes it hurt worse, I'm admitting and making myself vulnerable if I'm talking to somewhere near about it, it brings all the heartache and pain to the surface,causing it to hurt so much more. What is this? This is infertility! This is my life! This is my story! It's like a train wreck, it's so awful you should turn away, but you just can't stop staring..